@sssh_squirrel: I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation.
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@causticbob: I was feeling very depressed the other week. I went to my psychiatrist and told him I was suicidal. He asked me to pay in advance.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at wedding] Pastor: If anyone opposes, speak now or forever hold your peace Me (raises hand) Pastor: It's your wedding Me (lowers hand)
@ClichedOut: [watching video of an amazing feat] Age 20: i could do that Age 30: he's amazing Age 40: doesn't that guy work
@TheMichaelRock: How are expecting to cure cancer when we as a society can't figure out how to merge into traffic correctly?