@2tickytacky: "I'm going to lay right here in the doorway and give people a dumb look as they trip over me."- Damned dog.... Could've been me though.
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@kyle_thatisall: [walks in meeting late] "Sorry I was busy with important-" SIRI (from pocket): OK here's what I found on the web for are hot dogs sandwiches
@munkayc: Bought cheap helium gas. Now boyfriend's annoying snoring doesn't make me want to kill him, but my fear of clowns has tripled..
@johnlevenstein: My goal when I go to a friend's house for dinner is to befriend the dog to the point its loyalty is tested.
@enclaire: Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell her I'm her from the future.