@SheBanggs: I'm going to name my son Red so he'll grow up to be a wise sportswriter or the prison inmate who knows how to get things. Hopefully both.
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@SortaBad: If you don't want to be there today, just say "I'm just here for the food and hopefully some good commercials. Also congrats on the wedding"
@ProdigyNelson: [date] Me: *ok don't let her know I'm a bull* Her: "so what are some red flags for you?" Me: *sweating* "haha red flags? Where?"
@scubavelli: "Oh I'll be your relationship status alright..." -me sleeping outside this Taco Bell
@pinupteacher: After seeing my dog scoot her butt across my rug, I've decided I need to up my break dancing game.