@alexjmann: I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.
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@david8hughes: [first day as a soldier] Army guy: we deploy at 04:00hrs Me: where we going? Army guy: to war, soldier Me [setting alarm for 10am]: enjoy
@wickedsuga: Randomly play a recording of a candy bar wrapper being opened just to keep your kids on their toes.