@remington3000: I'm going to open a restaurant and call it I Don't Care. So us men can finally take u women to the place u want to go to when we ask
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@preritpathak: People on Facebook Nowadays: *Clicks pic while sipping coffee* *Posts as DP with irrelevant caption: Every scar makes me who I am* WTF?
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
@hazelmotes1: I just picked a Chapstick up from my bedside table, spent 30 seconds trying to get the lid off with my teeth, then realized it was a battery
@Lowenaffchen: I used to worry about offending people's moms on facebook but now they all post memes like "I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children"