@crow_death: I'm going to put my limbs into each corner of a fitted sheet and attempt to become a sugar glider.
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@themorris23: On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
@TheCiscoKidder: Cop: Why did you burn that building down? Me: Because they keep sending emails after unsubscribing. Cop: You're free to go.
@KattsDogma: "I'm sorry I named my daughter 'Paige.' It seemed funny at the time." - a confession of Nat Turner
@DallyDoll: Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don't ask me how I know what vegetables taste like.