@JerseyRambo: I'm going to sit here and wink at you. It's going to be a very long wink. With both eyes. Please, by all means, go on with your story.
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@flashember: [Courtroom] Lawyer: It wasn't the fall that hurt you? "No sir, it was...THE GROUND!" *courtroom erupts* *handcuffs are thrown on the ground*
@TaylorVirtue: I opened a door for a girl, but then the crowd flow never stopped so I've been holding this door open for 3 days. Send help.
@EndhooS: "If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily