@Dirty_Naomi: I'm going to start rubbing myself up against people when they've got nice food. If it works for my cat, it'll work for me.
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@iLikeCatShirts: *Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
@OrangeFact: My new favorite thing on Twitter is this three-year feud between Wendy's and a cabbage account
@mikefossey: Guy: I'll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots
@davidkenny100: It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. So this is your uncle, you live with him now.