@AGreaterMonster: I'm going to swallow a jack-in-the-box so that when they do an autopsy—BOING, surprise!
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@squirrel74wkgn: As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy.
@ClassicMegan: Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: tobacco Me: No.