@Try2StopME: I'm going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
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@bigmacher: I saw Jesus trending and my heart dropped. My first thought was 'damn you 2016!' but then i realized it was just his birthday.
@slimmy_shady: Never eat ice cream while chatting online. Sister: why are you typing so slowly Me: well my other hands busy. She hasnt replied yet.
@peachgrenade: My wife is not happy with some of the comments in the anonymous suggestion box I attached our bed.
@mrtruthandsoul: Breaking News: Scientists clone a new hybrid cantalope and cauliflower. "We call it the melon-cauli," says Dr. Noah Lot of OMG I'm so sorry