@NikiWithIssues: I'm gonna get a tattoo of me getting a tattoo of me getting a tattoo. Inkception.
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@MelvinofYork: My wife says "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you" when 1. she's not talking, she's yelling, and 2. I'm not walking away, I'm retreating
@mariokeyparty: My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father
@TeaAndCopy: My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.