@krustythe_klown: I'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer's
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@SEvans_author: Boss: I'm sorry but you're fired Me: But I've poured my blood, sweat, & tears into my work! Boss: Exactly. Cupcake sales are down 75%
@LurkAtHomeMom: How to calm a crying baby: 1. Pick it up. 2. Ok, so when it turns like 5 you can put it back down. Good luck.
@TEAMP2007: Sometimes my kid likes me, but I'm pretty sure it's only because I'm his Oreo dealer.
@VicFuture: Why its called 'having your period' and not 'rolling out the red carpet ' I'll never know.