@krustythe_klown: I'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer's
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@causticbob: A man has been jailed for forging banknotes. He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in crisp $9 notes.
@moiragallaga: First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!
@InternetHippo: [halloween at the retirement home where i work] Boss: You can’t wear that costume here Me (leaning on my scythe): Why not