@Elizasoul80: I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
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@KevinFarzad: Your British accent is so attractive! If we had kids would they have British accents? We should do a scientific test & find out. For science
@The_Grant_Boldt: "Hi can I just have a single burger?" I'm sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship "But that's not eve- Please show some respect
@NicestHippo: [religion conference] BUDDHA: What's your opener? JESUS: "God loves you." You? BUDDHA (crumpling paper that says Life Is Suffering): Me too