@just1fool: I'm gonna insert "comedian" in my bio and have my picture taken on a stage with a microphone in my hand so no one will follow me back.
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@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.
@joejwest: [hat shop] OWNER: Sir stop or I'll call the police UNICORN: [surrounded by damaged hats] No one will believe you
@myonlymizztake: His last words were, "I'm just going to tell her to calm down, and remind her that she still hasn't made dinner."
@dragonsorbet: [Security breach at Wayne manor] BRUCE: *brooding darkly* ALFRED: The back door is literally just a waterfall