@Home_Halfway: "I'm gonna make a cool new social media site for college kids, but only for a few years. Then it'll be a mom scrapbook" ~ Mark Zuckerberg
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@PetrickSara: This other mom was complaining about being so sick that her MIL took the kids for a few days. KID FREE for DAYS! So I licked her face.
@tastefactory: COP:Do u know how fast u were going ME: The posted speed limit, 495 COP: Sir that's the route number, i don't even know how I caught up to u
@jonnysun: HILLARY: donald-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: …trump-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: [smiling serenely] …is good TRUMP: --wrong. nno wait. nno. no, no