@OfNorthAmerica: I'm gonna make a photo editing type program that makes you look like a Hobbit and call it Frodoshop.
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@weinerdog4life: Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart.
@SteveAmiri: July 5th, 1776: The day the British drunk-texted America and said they still loved them.
@mynameisntdave: ME: how long will it take to remodel my house? CONTRACTOR: only about 2 months [9 years later] CONTRACTOR: ok so we've installed 1 stair
@GoldenSpirals: Me: Goodnight Moon. Moon: Don't "Goodnight" me! Do you know what time it is? Where the hell have you been?