@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm gonna play on a Slip n' Slide in my front yard tomorrow morning while the kids on my street wait for the school bus. #Hero
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@Tw1tter_K1tten: They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
@lwhit_the_boss: A girl told me how hard it is for her to gain weight. I said it's hard for me NOT to. We had a good laugh & then I punched her in the face.
@donni: DEFENSE: Your Honor, will you allow my client to escape? JUDGE: I'll allow it PROSECUTOR: Aw WTF JUDGE: Let's see where he goes with this