@SomthinBoutSara: I'm gonna pretend my dad didn't abandon me but is actually on the missing Malaysia air flight and he'll be back
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shawn_spree: If it wasn't for the internet, I would think "12 Years A Slave" was a movie about a guy exaggerating about the first 3 weeks of marriage.
@Ideal_Victoria: Guys love it when you rest your head on their shoulder at the movie theatre. Their girlfriends however... not so much.
@_sinistroll: WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun ME: This couch has such great lumber support WIFE: See?? THERAPIST: Try to stop ME: Oakey dokey