@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit
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@JediGigi: [on 1st date] Him: So why is someone as pretty as you single? Me: Single? Who's single? [gets right up in his face] We marry at dawn.
@AndrewChamings: MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: What is it that you are both most fearful of? WIFE: I just...[sobbing]...don’t want the kids to suffer ME: Eels
@hardlyrelevant: "If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace" (from the back) He saw Creed live in 2003
@Fred_Delicious: *sees a hot girl on the train* "ay gurl check this out" *i try to seductively eat a banana but i miss my mouth & smush it into my forehead*