@SissiSay: Im gonna tell my daughter to lay off the liquor, cause I love her! (...and I dont want her to mess up her kidneys before I need one)
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@DaddyJew: Doctor: you gotta cut back on the drinking Me: but why? D:*lifts up x-ray* says here your liver has officially been sponsored by Grey Goose
@canadian_jane: I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid.
@thatdutchperson: [Court] "Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" Me: yes. *GF from the back* DO THESE PANTS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?