@Madeline_Wilks: I'm great in bed; I can sleep for days.
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@Thynebear: I am the all knowing oracle, you may ask me one question "How do you pronounce quinoa?" [it's just covered in sweat] um can u ask me another
@thenoahkinsey: I almost accused a 10 yr old of stealing my dance moves but it turns out he just really had to go to the bathroom & didn't know where it was
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: People are coming over tomorrow Me: We should clean today Wife: And keep the house clean for 24 hours? Me: We should clean tomorrow
@BPMbadassmama: I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces.