@38percentsure: "I'm half black and I'm trying to decide who I want to have kids with. Do I want them to have every advantage in life, or be able to dance?"
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@DaddyJew: [at daycare] Me: I'm here to pick up my son Daycare: what's he look like? Me: *points to my face* D: oh. Ok
@RocketRankoon: Comcast: "Would you like to upgrade your Internet service to include cable?" Me: "No thanks, the illegal downloading has that base covered."
@Shot_Of_Cabo: (CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?
@daemonic3: "Hi, how much for a slice of pizza?" A slice is $2.50, and second slice only $1. "I'd like 3 second slices please"