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@Edie_Is_Dead: Im half scotch.
And i dont mean scottish.
@McCPeggy: My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That's why I take so many naps.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did you get me for Mother's Day?
3-year-old: A cake.
Wife: Where is it?
3: You haven't made it yet.
@joeljeffrey: I always carry a piece of paper with me, just in case someone tries to attack me with a rock.
@Owl_Meat: captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna
1st mate: dont you mean sonar
captain (already in towel): full steam ahead
@FatherWithTwins: Stickiest things in the world:
1) Children's library books