@liv_thatsme: I'm having a green screen installed behind my couch, because, you know, I don't ever feel like going out, but I wanna look like I do stuff.
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@Togsbabble: My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the "what is this shit" look.
@notalogin: Surgeon: I need someone to unroll this bandage, stat! Cat nurse, excitedly: I've got this.
@Token_Geezer: Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don’t like on
@thenatewolf: *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs