@liv_thatsme: I'm having a green screen installed behind my couch, because, you know, I don't ever feel like going out, but I wanna look like I do stuff.
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@TheToddWilliams: "Your new girlfriend seems a bit, I don't know...bookish?" She has a name you know! "What is it?" ...Paige.
@missmayn: We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
@noog: *flips over table* *table flips back up* Table: You got a problem? Me: DO YOU? Table: ... Me: HUH? Table: ... Me: I SAID DO WE HA- Table: No
@SaraMansford: 911: What's your emergency? Me: This guy just died in my arms tonight. 911: How did he die? Me: It must've been something I said.