@technowarlock1: I'm having a little bit of trouble right now.
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@LostAtCollege: Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: “sure” -sent from my iPhone
@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
@Donna_McCoy: Baby showers are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over a corner piece of cake. I need a ride home.
@garrettbarry70: Wish I had the confidence of a small child having a meltdown at the shopping mall.