@technowarlock1: I'm having a little bit of trouble right now.
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@weinerdog4life: Before gravity was invented you had to tie down your cows or your cows would just float away
@lawblob: pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them
@GrowlyGrego: [at bar] "Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year." Whoa that's impressive! "I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."