@technowarlock1: I'm having a little bit of trouble right now.
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@TattedChanel: So Brad Pitt is being investigated for child abuse after yelling at his kids on a flight. Better send my mum to the electric chair then.
@Brianhopecomedy: Cashier: "Sir, the toilet paper you're buying goes on sale tomorrow." "COOL, I'LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN."
@AndrewNadeau0: WIFE: I said not to get a pet snak- ME: Secretary. WIFE: What? ME: He’s not a pet. He’s Secretary of Snake. WIFE: …Please don’t tell me his nam— ME: Kenny Hissinger.
@KirstySykes96: actors kiss each other for like 7 seasons and don't fall in love but when someone holds the door for me i think about it for like 4 months