@technowarlock1: I'm having a little bit of trouble right now.
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@TheThomason: Fun way to make someone question everything: comment "you are so brave" on all their selfies.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently "cool story, bro" is not an acceptable substitute for "congratulations" when your friend calls and tells you she's pregnant.
@tastefactory: *ring ring* Hello? "If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000" OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM "I won't if u-" Haha gotcha, leave a message