@technowarlock1: I'm having a little bit of trouble right now.
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@SomeChrisTweets: All of my friends are getting married and loving their careers and then there's me, luring wayward ships into the rocks with ethereal songs.
@iwearaonesie: *wife offers me a sip of her water* m: Am I gonna catch what you have? w: No m: w: m: Are you sur- w: You're not going to get my period!
@mjkspeaks: Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
@RapDescendant: "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME" - KANYE "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND WEED" - WIZ "THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AT ALL" -B.O.B.