@AntozWolf: "I'm having a public meltdown!!" - A Snowman, maybe.
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@myonlymizztake: If your kid texts you questions about the price of replacing any household item, you will be replacing said item.
@awkwardphilippe: [opens fortune cookie] -You will have a great night "aw, that's neat, wait there's more" [unrolls note further] marish clown assassinate you
@SortaBad: me: good morning, Linda Linda, my co-worker who backpacked through Europe: Not as nice as the sunrises you can see looking out from Venice
@AndyRichter: Man, those guys in the Cialis commercial sure are charmed by their wives' approximations of human behavior