@Black__Elvis: I’m hot blooded, check it & see/ I got a fever of 103/ why’s everyone on the bus screaming/ maybe I shoulda wiped off the rectal thermometer
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@Sal0630: Boss: I was listening to some Tool on the way to work. Me: I talk to myself when I'm driving sometimes too, it's ok. Boss: Just get out.
@dave_cactus: [at my dad's funeral after he drowns] ME: *places a wreath made of a life preserver on the coffin* It's what he would have wanted...
@thesarahthing: "I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you were driving your truck around the Walmart parking lot trying to find your truck."