@1evilidiot: I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend's in the future.
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@Jake_Vig: PRIEST: Do you take this this woman, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, until death do you part? ME: Well, now you made it weird.
@LurkAtHomeMom: You ran a 5k? Like on purpose or do you just have a lot of bees in your neighborhood?
@themiltron: god: behold, my creatio-- people: some rocks are more important than others god: what? people: i would literally kill for the yellow rock
@jonnysun: JESUS: hey check this oute [turns my water into wine] ME: woa!! thanks jesus JESUS: [grabs wine out of my hands] NO!! THIS IS MY BLOOD NOW