@MichaelTrying: I'm in AAAAA, so I get my tires changed by recovering alcoholics.
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@mrsmith196645: 911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry.
@Vodkantots: I really hope my family doesn't give me a urinal cake again for my birthday this year.
@ilovepie84: I put a message in a bottle and threw it in the Ocean. The note said "I have Tuberculosis and I coughed in this bottle"