@BuckyIsotope: "I'm in international waters, your damn laws can't touch me" I scream to the police as I dog paddle naked in my neighbors swimming pool.
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@LooseTalks_Girl: When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage.
@TribalSpaceCat: [stop light] It will turn green in 5 4 3 2 1.. And Now It Will Turn Greeeeeeeen *turns green* Ah yes nailed it.
@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.