@NurseMurderer: I'm in that fun part of a relationship where everything is new and exciting and we are learning things about each other and I don't poop.
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@iwearaonesie: me: Go back! uber driver: Did I miss the turn? me [already in the front seat trying to find the station that was playing Taylor Swift]
@faizziy: That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari..
@envydatropic: I just want to be rich enough to donate enough money to have a wing at the mental hospital named after me