@donni: "I'm in the best shape of my life!" -Newborn baby
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@TheBoydP: [Newlywed Game] Bob Eubanks: Describe your wife as an animal Me: *flips card* Owl Wife: Who? Me: You Wife: Who? *Bob and I high five*
@RobElliottComic: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I need several Ambuli stat! 911: Ambuli? Me: Yea plural for Ambulance 911: No its not Me: It should be
@causticbob: I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins.