@Jake_Vig: I'm inventing a new holiday where you take back one gift you previously gave someone.
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@Ideal_Victoria: I’m still waiting for my date from last summer to come back from the restaurant’s bathroom… I hope everything is ok.
@SteveKoehler22: Hey big accounts - What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ? My cat would be dead before I got 50
@huntigula: Praying Mantis wife: Are u cheating on me? Praying Mantis husband [his missing head replaced by a marble]: What on earth gave u that idea?
@Scott_A_Gilmore: People named Thomas, your nickname isn't "Thom" it's Tom. "Thom" thounds sthupid and prethenthiuos.