@TravLeBlanc: I'm jealous of how many friends the people on Intervention have.
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@drinksmcgee: I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig… Until I realize that maybe she has a type.
@JediGigi: [cute guy approaches at bar] Him: Hey can I... Me: [blushing] Yes? Him: Can I get a pic of you for my mom? You look just like my grandpa.
@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me." Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"