@TravLeBlanc: I'm jealous of how many friends the people on Intervention have.
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@pixelatedboat: You can't trust the mainstream media, that's why I get all my news from the giant in my dreams
@goodtimenoel: Note to self: Before committing any murders, get head and shoulders. Can't be leaving DNA all over the place.
@WilliamAder: Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
@kentgrossarth: Boss: Is that beer? You're not supposed to drink at work! Me: You're not supposed to cheat on your wife. Boss: You're doing a great job.