@WilliamAder: I'm jealous of people who have more than one ab.
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@AbbyHasIssues: Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
@drinksmcgee: Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet
@xLiserx: Superheroes come from broken homes & inattentive parents. Parents, stop hugging your kids. We need a Batman.
@dmc1138: I had a dream I went to Hell and Satan forced me to sing karaoke with him. That's right, the Devil made me duet.