@BadJordon: I'm just a boy, standing in front of the toilet paper aisle, trying to decide whether I want to wipe with a pillow, a cloud, or a kitten.
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@1Happytwit: I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent.
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@qwertying: A Little girl asked her father: Do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time? Father: No, some begin with - If elected I promise..
@GrantTanaka: sorry i'm still an undecided voter, but it's hard to pick just one when I love them both so very very much