@Robinbuble: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guy, on the side of the highway reciting the alphabet backwards and trying to walk a straight line.
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@Nikkeya08: Yoga Instructor: This is Warrior pose Me:*Sitting down, eating a cheeseburger YI: Me:*chewing I'm a Warrior who just slayed a McDonaldite
@JohnLyonTweets: Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*
@ieatanddrink: Listen buddy, I never said they were for sale. I just put the "FRESH EGGS" sign in my yard to brag
@goodhairperson: [murder occurs] ME: how terrible. why can't we love each other [someone slightly inconveniences me] ME: I will execute your entire family