@rocknthepurple: I'm just a girl, standing in front of half a pizza thinking it's been long enough since I ate the 1st half to consider this a different meal
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@rachxthompson: me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they're the size of Australia
@LoveNLunchmeat: I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom... Then I discovered twitter.
@FannyB1tch: Was glancing through the Obituaries this morning and found it really creepy that all these people managed to die in alphabetical order.
@david8hughes: [Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"