@CindyMeakin: I'm just a girl, standing in my kitchen, forgetting what I came in here for.
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@LMHPhotog: Next time you’re swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it’s a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun!
@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
@truegritrumble: GUY WHO INVENTED JACK-O-LANTERNS: I bet this gourd would be cooler if it looked like it wanted to murder me.
@KindOfASmartass: I hate when you tell someone you're bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you're not quite that bored