@CindyMeakin: I'm just a girl, standing in my kitchen, forgetting what I came in here for.
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@EyeSeeYou619: [country music plays in elevator] ME: I hate Toby Keith HIM: This isn't Toby Keith ME:(leans into his face) I don't give a shit who this is
@warhorse76: If she runs away I will pursue her. But since she possesses superior footspeed and cardio I may have to borrow someone's bicycle.
@iQuoteComedy: Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says "Oh no she didn't!", she in fact, did.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Do the dishes Me: Can't. Holding the baby Wife: Take out the trash Me: Can't. Baby Wife: Change the baby Me: Can't. Doing dishes.