@DivorceDiva: I'm just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
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@kelkulus: Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker.
@rolldiggity: ME: "Trick or bear?" NEIGHBOR: "Bear?" ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]
@ChrisRGun: I don't hate people for their skin, creeds or heritage. I hate them based on how fond they are of Minions.