@DivorceDiva: I'm just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
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@HousewifeOfHell: Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside
@ClaytonSykes: Barber pointed out my new gray hairs and said I looked refined. I hope someone tells him the key marks on his car looks like racing stripes.
@DaHess1: Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number.