@DivorceDiva: I'm just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
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@man_spach: The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side.
@AIMMadellynne: Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn't have.
@causticbob: I was 14, my dad caught me drinking. 'Dad, that's the first time' 'That's a lie, no one ever gets caught the first time.' So I robbed a bank