@MummaCrazy: I'm just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to "Stop making that stupid noise" and "Where are your shoes?".
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@bopinklady: Husband is leaning dangerously out of window whilst he cleans it. Only thing stopping me from shoving him out is that he cleans the windows
@junejuly12: Him: How was your day? Me: Do you think my house key is sharp enough to sever a carotid artery? Him: *opens four bottles of wine*
@internetluke: *hears robber in house* If anybody is there.. I have Updog & I'm not afraid to use it. "What's Updog?" Not too much haha you? "Robbing you"
@bridger_w: "Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years." -Me to some dishes in my sink