@PuckingItUp: I'm just grateful that I don't have to draw on my eyebrows everyday because I would totally forget to do that.
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@StoferComic: My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn't know the song "Get Off the Stage or Die." Elvis, maybe?
@Chumpstring: Attention Prayer Warriors: My neighbor left town for a funeral today. Please pray for God to protect & guide me as I steal his barbecue pit.
@iLikeCatShirts: It's that scene from footloose where Kevin Bacon is angry dancing in the barn but it's me trying to do my taxes.