@cjcapbt: I'm just like Bob Marley but not black or Jamaican or talented or dead but my hair gets tangly .
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@iamspacegirl: MY DATE WHO IS A SQUID: What movie should we see? ME, SECRETLY TRYING TO HARVEST HER INK: Something super scary *I empty my popcorn bucket*
@JKNenagh: Policeman:"Sir, we have sufficient evidence to believe that this vehicle has been stolen. Me: how Policeman: Step out of the tank Sir
@lazerdoov: I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.