@MollyRingwraith: I'm just like King Midas except everything I touch complains to human resources
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@ThisLocalHater: [During sex] Me: I know you want me to be "naughty", but I can barely breathe in this Hamburglar costume.
@desi_princess: Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.