@weinerdog4life: I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
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@SteveInevitable: If a girl texts you and asks if you think she's fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that's pretty cool.
@AnkCoupleTO: Cute Internet Girl: This guy is pretty funny, I think I'll fol- Me: *Human Cannonballs my way into her living room* HELLO!
@garrydavenport: "Nwbdy tellsh mwe wht to dwo", I say through a mouthful of cardboard, giving a middle finger to "remove pizza from box before consumption".