@briangaar: I'm just looking for a woman who is smart, funny & can drive a getaway car tomorrow morning at 8
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@4ScoreN20Bowls: It is possible to chew and swallow $80 of shrooms in the length of time it takes the cop to walk from his car to yours.
@jwoodham: "Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight.