@JayElem00: I'm just one more bad decision away from my own reality show.
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@Sir_Strange: I almost died today, so naturally my first impulse was to pull my phone out and tweet about it.
@ericsshadow: My wife Googled "how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter" and now she won't let me stay home alone.
@perhapssomeday: No one who heard me talking to my dog would assume that English is my first language.