@JayElem00: I'm just one more bad decision away from my own reality show.
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@hippieswordfish: Cop burst through every window of my house as I perform the illegal Google search 'teen age mutant ninja turtles with no Shells on '
@dlockw21: IT: You deleted the OS? Me: I think so. IT: It didn't warn you? Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What's with the inquisition bro?
@BlindChow: *interrogating cat* Admit it! You're a Communist! "Meow" A no-good red! "Meow" Tough guy eh? "Meow" We can do this all night. "Mao" You–wait
@WildeThingy: [re-enacting the lift scene from Dirty Dancing] "come to me baby, and jump, and oops... You landed in my mouth again! You silly gummy bear."