@JayElem00: I'm just one more bad decision away from my own reality show.
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@carlyken: [bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT
@PaperWash: wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now
@blood_orphan: [rap battle] [my opponent attempts to drop the mic, but I stealthily tied it to his finger so it just comes back up like a yo-yo]