@ManvAlcohol: I'm just saying, if I were a bomb maker, I would make all the wires the same color.
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@bug_deal: the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it’s full of skeletons now
@internetluke: [comes out of coma after 12 years] ME: Holy shit I forgot to set my AIM status to 'Away'! DOCTOR: you might want to take a seat
@ThatRascalPuff: Gramps: *on deathbed* I feel like Im forgetting someth- *dies* [2 yrs later] Me: *knocking water outta my ears* *quarter falls out*
@WeissBrandon: Friend: If Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Nickelback, and Creed all died in a plane crash who would you miss the most? Me.. F... M.. F.. Me: the pilot