@ManvAlcohol: I'm just saying, if I were a bomb maker, I would make all the wires the same color.
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@Tmoney68: Just overheard someone say they need an "escape goat" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius.
@djdarrellripley: Her: Do you still keep in touch with your ex-wife? Me: Only by "automatic withdrawal."
@ArfMeasures: SKETCH ARTIST: *holds up drawing of a single bit of straw* CAMEL: [in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes] That's him!
@ColeyGuacamole_: When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans" all I hear is "there's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."