@ManvAlcohol: I'm just saying, if I were a bomb maker, I would make all the wires the same color.
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@JayJazzi: A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn't a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I'm in jail.
@LaziestCanine: "911 what's your emergency" IM DYING "what happened" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES "lol pics or didn't happen"
@iwearaonesie: complaining about your wife's stories will result in having to sit through her story about the time you complained about her stories
@ThePocketJustin: Sheryl Crow: This ain't no disco. This ain't no country club either. Sheryl Crow - The world's worst archaeologist.