@CSAviate: i’m laughing very hard in real life
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@peb671: Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can tweet that"
@nbadag: [the noise of everyone talking at a party randomly goes silent] ME: i call hot dogs meat pickles
@juliussharpe: Facebook's "People you may know" should be called, "People you definitely know and have been avoiding".
@jdforshort: If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom I guess it's finally time to shave my legs for spring *Walks away with hedge trimmers