@CSAviate: i’m laughing very hard in real life
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@TheTalkingPipe: Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
@kumailn: Life hack: Stare into your Uber driver's eyes through the rear view mirror the entire time.
@Midgetspar: If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days.
@joeldanger: If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day