@Nickadoo: I'm less upset with Lance Armstrong lying about taking performance-enchancing drugs than I am at Oprah for lying about retiring.
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@PaperWash: [Oreo meeting] What about 'sextuple stuffed' "That's just inappropriate Jeff you're fired" [later googling Sextuple] "Omg that's genius"
@_NTFG_: People say love is the best feeling in the world, but I think finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is better.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Hello welcome to meteorologist school. Please stick your head out of the nearest window and pick your diploma up on your way out."