@Nickadoo: I'm less upset with Lance Armstrong lying about taking performance-enchancing drugs than I am at Oprah for lying about retiring.
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@SocialustGal13: I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.
@jergarl: "Calm down" I suggested. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT CALM?" she carved in the side of my truck.
@PajamaStew: If human civilization had a narrator it would just be some guy repeating "Little did they know..." over and over and over.
@LackOfShame: [Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together